Capt SpaceBat

“Fear is one of the biggest stumbling blocks for action. What’s important to recognize is that even if you’re afraid, you can still face the thing you’re afraid of! Face the fear, take a deep breathe [sic], and do it anyway. … if, magically, you had NO FEAR, what would you take on first?”

This is part of an email that I received earlier from ThinkTQ - a daily source of online answers to the QUESTION, “What’s holding me back from the results I want, and the success I deserve?” 

Apart from the obvious, the one thing that jumped out at me from that leading strapline was the word “magically” - quite a loaded one within the realms of BPD and other psychological variations of the slightly askance views of reality.  What follows is in no way related to ThinkTQ, except possibly coincidentally - I rarely ever read beyond the first paragraph of most bulk emails.  Unless there is a competition, free gift or something of real and tangible interest to me.  Or if I have nothing better to do, having removed all the excess psychological lint from my navel for that particular day.  Where were we, oh yes: in magical kingdoms where wishes are jockstraps and little blonde kittens are tied up with string … nurse! badpan!! … back to our chickens: Magical Thinking

I came across this blog recently: http://borderlinepersonality.typepad.com/ (Borderline Personality Disorder Inside Out) as part of my daily Google search for articles on BPD:

‘Non Borderlines Trying to Understand Borderline Magical Thinking.

It is a rather common experience for non borderlines to encounter and
be confused by borderline “magical thinking”.

What is Magical Thinking In BPD?

Magical thinking is essentially adhering to the (distorted) belief
that thoughts can cause events. When someone with BPD is magically
thinking and thoughts seem to cause events what is also often a part
of this experience for the borderline is that what they feel becomes a
fact to him or her in what is a distorted sense of “reality”.’

Fascinated by this, article, and not realizing that not everybody thinks like that, I went to our old friend http://www.Wikipedia.com and found under “Magical thinking”

… snip snip the scissors go …

“Mental illness

Magical thinking is often intensified in mental illnesses such as
obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), clinical depression or
schizotypal personality disorder. In each it can take
a different form peculiar to the particular illness. In OCD, it is
often used in ritual fashion to ameliorate the dread and risk of
various dangerous possibilities, regardless of whether it has real
effects on the object of fear. It contributes more to peace of mind,
in that the person now feels they can engage in a risky activity more
safely. “

… snip snip they go so fast …

Hmmm … considering that any activity is (in my eyes) inherently incredibly risky, in my humble opinion, that might go some way to explaining my internal & external rituals used to affect all things around me and to ensure both mine and the universe’s continued relative safe-keeping; everything from praying that the world doesn’t end with a bang, flash & mushroom cloud (several times a day at least whenever I hear an aircraft or siren) to some of the more arcane antics of my Grade (Magister Templi) involving leaping around, intoning Latin, Greek & Hebrew conjurations and generally behaving like a Fool of the first Order.

Well, I must admit that it comes as rather a blessed (if belated) relief to find, even after all this time, that the fate of the Universe does not lie entirely in my hands.  My therapist tried to assure me that - even though I am a God in my Universe - I am not responsible for every single thing that happens and that when anything (usually bad) does happen, I do not have to think that it is due to some sin of commission (or more often, omission) on my part, or worse still that I somehow either deserved it or brought it upon myself.

Does anyone else feel like this?  I feel pretty sure that we all feel at times much more and often much less responsible for things than is appropriate; or is it just a desire to control everything and everyone around us whilst, in reality, accepting no responsibility for our actions?

Any thoughts - magical, sacred, profane or indifferent - on this or any other matter are always welcomed.

As to my fear-facing, as well as joining the evening classes that I have previously mentioned, I joined a local art group run by my local authority as part of their schemes helping people with learning difficulties/disabilities, physical impairments, mental health difficulties, visual impairments, hearing impairments and other problems strive “Towards Independence.”

Not only was I going to have to deal with meeting other people, but these people would have some similar problems to mine - very close, possibly too much so for comfort; together we persevered.  Also the Art group was at the same time and day of the week as the AA meetings that I had foresworn - another good reason to get stuck in to my psyche with only a paintbrush, some acrylics and the local branch of B&Q at my disposal.  Once I get around to rebuilding it, many of both mine and my wife’s works will be displayed on the SansSeraphim site.

Much bravery and my wife’s lead by example has enabled me to actually offer some of my paintings to the world at large - my gallery is to be found at http://tinyurl.com/CSBGallery - all works - with one exception (”My Night With Lou“) - cost £50 each, plus reasonable postage & packaging. 

Now you can buy the thing you’re afraid of and hang it on your wall for all to admire.

http://tinyurl.com/CSBGallery