Capt SpaceBat

“What is Borderline Personality Disorder AND WTF?!?”, I hear you all cry, those collective hands, at least those not being wrung, in the air… Lucky sausage that I am, I received that very question this morning.  I suppose it is my entire fault for having a Google Alert(tm) for PD running as part of my daily inspiration for inactivity.  For those of you who feel similarly inclined, try this: http://news.google.com/news?ie=utf8&oe=utf8&q=%22personality+disorder… The item in question came from http://www.hostbuoy.com/alzheimers/ and ultimately is hosted at http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071209113734AAv8ekg Having nothing better to do this morning than to disentangle my sister’s inability to use the postal service without injury to self or others, I thought I might post my own two-ha’pence-worth. It might be fun for others to do the same… Okay, enough of the fraught emotional tension, here is what I wrote: “I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), although my consultant psychotherapist errs towards “Mixed Personality Disorder”, which is more than one of the Personality Disorders, usually accompanied by Bipolar Disorder, but that is just the icing on the cake which I am trying to “unbake.” Personality disorders are defined by the American Psychiatric Association as “an enduring pattern of inner experience and behaviour that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it” and involve a belief or system of beliefs held by a single individual to be genuine, but that cannot be externally verified, but have a massive effect on the sufferer’s life, making “normal” home, work, social and interpersonal interaction fraught with difficulties and, quite often, near impossible. A commonly used mnemonic to remember some features of BPD is “PRAISE”:

P - Paranoid ideas
R - Relationship instability
A - Angry outbursts, affective instability, abandonment fears
I - Impulsive behaviour, identity disturbance
S - Suicidal behaviour
E - Emptiness

Aspects of these fears, feelings, and actions govern my every moment to some degree; although very rarely all of them in their full gory glory all together at the same time, although it often feels like that. Personally, my most obvious symptoms are those of fear of abandonment and rejection, whilst I foster and engender those very same feelings in others with whom I must deal, so that they wish to leave me, as I am in mine eyes so bad and unworthy of anyone or thing whilst also striving for a perfection that I perceive to be attainable but always just beyond reach. Is it a real disorder?  Well, it sure as H*ll is to me and to those that experience it, as sufferers, friends, family, personal and professional carers. I find the question illogical and in fact insulting to myself, fellow sufferers and all those involved in the care of people with BPD, but I suppose I would say that, wouldn’t I? Co-dependency issues are, as far as I am concerned, other people and the problems they cause - one of a series of apparently fatuous - but strongly-held - fixed ideas that temper my outlook on most things, especially other people - possibly a sign of my inability to cope with or understand them and their motives, which seem to be impure at best, villainous usually and often to my detriment.  I think the answer to that must be in the affirmative, loath as I am to admit it. The PRAISE acronym seems to sum it up well; as I journey through psychotherapeutic sessions, I increasingly find instances of those actions and perceptions permeating my past and present; often with good cause in my view.  My aim is to understand these within myself, to regulate - if not supplant - them, to find out what “made me this way” and to ameliorate, if not - as thought beyond the wit of man - overcome the resultant effects, or at least make life for me and those around me a little less chaotic and 500 words.”Sources (okay, I forgot to use a colon - insert your own, if needed)

http://www.psych.org - American Psychiatric Association
http://www.who.int - World Health Organization
http://groups.google.com/group/borderline-personality-disorder-and-nons-joined- Borderline Personality Disorder & Family Group