Capt SpaceBat

Have been trying to extend my reach into the outside world of late - work and its many manifestations.  This has been quite a scary proposition, as it would mean having to meet, get on with, interact with, and possibly have to cope with other people on a very regular basis.

My history of doing this either successfully or well is rather patchy at best - as you might have guessed.  Having BPD does make for somewhat hazardous working relationships - or any relationships, for that matter.  This was part of the reason that I chose I.T. as a profession: having been traumatised by people from a very early age, I thought that computing with its lack of emphasis on the soft machine would make for a safer life, but guess what - it did not, as people were still involved.

With the advent of the Internet and more especially the World Wide Web, the physical interactions with humans did look like it could be minimised, but the expansion of social networking brings people back into it - what to do, when I am sometimes terrified by emails and have paranoid fears about what others may think and share about me?

I suppose I could return “to the soil” but that is similarly tainted by the bullying childhood punishments of my foster-father in my mind,

Perhaps I should “just get over it” - now there is a simplistic answer if ever I heard one; nothing else - except psychotherapy that the NHS is unwilling to pay for and I am unable to afford - seems to work, so I might just try it.  Well, I can always pay for therapy if I earn enough; if I do not, I will probably need it even more.

I suppose I could actually set about writing my autobiography, thus doing mine own talking therapy on paper (or at least on the computer to which I once entrusted my future) - which, as I recall, was one of my New Year resolutions.  Speaking of which, I had better get on with them: getting published, exhibited, better, richer and out of here, as I recall … does anyone want to buy a brass lighter?