Jan 26 2009
“Unforgiven”
Tonight I watched the concluding episode of “Unforgiven ” by Sally Wainwright on television, which, despite a few apparent non sequiturs for the purposes of dramatic continuity, was quite captivating. The closing moments, when Ruth (the lead character) started to realise the implications of her actions some 16 years previously and how it had affected her life and that of her sister, with whom she had just been reunited, was extraordinarily moving and thought-provoking.
Desperately wanting to catch up with all the missed years, Ruth had to accept and keep secret from her sister the truth about the actions that had forced the separation so many years before in order to hold out any hope of any future relationship with her idolised sibling, whilst accepting that neither she nor her sister were responsible - nor without blame - for the original fell deed.
This proved quite a useful starting-point for exploring my own feelings about my siblings. To cut a long story short, we did not all meet up until I was 33, my brother 35 and my sister 24. My expectations were so high that they could never have been met, in whole, part or any other bit. Likewise, my failings as an ideal brother have proven - to me at least - ever a cause of personal consternation.
I realised, watching the conclusion of “Unforgiven”, quite how unrealistic my hopes had been and that I should be thankful for the relationship with my siblings - especially given the chances against any of it ever happening - and that the three of us were so lucky ever to have known each other. My polarised outlook, symptomatic of BPD, whilst notionally being a “defence mechanism” has proven so counter-productive in my hopes and expectations.
Perhaps I should learn to forgive. Forgetting is another matter altogether.
“Oil&Vinegar” (c) Ian Springham, 2009
